90’s Grunge Et Moi

An outfit for the 90’s grunge scene.

Hey Lovelies, how are you?

Some of you might not know this but I’m actually an oldie. I was born on the thirteenth December nineteen eighty nine, I’ll repeat that –  1989. I’m a child of the 80’s (kinda), which therefore means that I have a pretty good recollection of all things 90’s. I remember when Meredith Brooks released ‘Bitch’, The Dinosaurs was on TV, Freddos were actually 5 pence and when cassette tapes were no longer available in Virgin Megastores (yes, you heard right).

For me, grunge styling is a band t-shirt, oversized cardigans of varying colours, acid-wash baggy jeans, Doc Martens and a plethora of piercings. If you can’t picture that you can go and watch these music video’s:

The Man Who Sold The World – Nirvana
What’s Up – 4 Non Blondes
Weak – Skunk Anansie
When I Come Around – Green Day

… And if you’re still not sure go and watch an MTV show called Daria and you’ll get the idea.

As a result, as much as I did back then, I now love this style. It was so relaxed but also such a statement at a time where the world was obsessing over the glitz and glamour (much like now). The grunge scene was a true focal point of music and people coming together in unity to celebrate all the unpopularities of the world. A real, go fuck yourself to everyone that was applauded for the mundane 9-5 routine (in my opinion, anyway).

So, this outfit is inspired by all of that good stuff, the memories of my childhood. My idols, the Dolores O’Riordans, the Linda Perrys, the Sheryl Crows and the Shirley Mansons. Thank you, for giving me the best soundtrack, fashion choices and crazy hair styles a girl could ask for.

 

Check out the items I’m wearing:

 

Please note affiliate links are active on this post.




Advertisements

Thursday 28th September

Hey Lovelies,

How are you?

I wanted to pop up a tiny little diary entry tonight just to say a few things to you all. I’m currently in the process of trying to beat a huge procrastination problem. I seem to have all of these great ideas and plans in my head but can never seem to fabricate them into anything more than just thoughts.

Do any of you ever have this? What do you do to combat it?

I’ve been listening to a book by Mel Robbins called ‘The Five Second Rule’ which in the simplest of explanations means that when you have an idea you count down from five to one and then move to act upon that idea. Which seems like an amazing premise, I just can’t even seem to get the motivation together to do that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, I’ve just been in this slump.

I’m upset that my blog and Instagram aren’t making any money (through affiliate links and adverts), and by worrying about that I know I’m pushing it further and further away from me. I mean, how do you trust that the universe has your back when it’s not delivering the things you want.

I’ve also been listening to an audiobook called ‘Get Rich, Lucky Bitch’ which talks about how to overcome your money troubles and move your mindset into a money making magnet. Again, this seems like a great premise but I just never sit down and listen to it. It’s like I have this problem with actually changing my life. Why, oh why can’t I be a doer.

It’s really getting to the point where I’m starting to feel sad, dissatisfied and distant from my blog and Instagram account.

The thing is, I LOVE writing, I love creating content that people enjoy, I really do. I just can’t seem to shift myself into that mindset and change anything about myself.

☹️

I want to do more, I want to be more. I’m just not sure how to overcome this issue and get into the mind frame of ‘Get Shit Done’

I’m sorry this isn’t a very positive post, Loves. I think sometimes I just need to let a few things out.

xo

Thursday 21st September

Hey Lovelies,

How are you all doing?

So I wrote a blog post on Tuesday, I pulled all of my emotions out of my chest, through my fingers and into the keys of my iPad keyboard in the hopes that it would remove this vast void of transparency that I’ve been engulfed by the past few weeks. I was ready to finalise and post it when something made me stop. It told me to reconsider putting out so much sadness and insecurity into the world, so I went to bed instead.

Today I woke up feeling the exact same transparency but I just can’t bring myself to talk about it anymore. I’d much rather get through this by writing something meaningful and uplifting, than something to tear open the emotional flood gates. So instead I’m writing today to make a promise to you all. A promise that I wont give up.

At nineteen, full of life, love and rebellion I went to a friend and had a tattoo on a black leather sofa. The sofa was covered in dog hair, the tattooist was covered in terrible tattoos and my wrist is forever scarred with the words ‘Nunquam Redono” which in Latin (hopefully) translates to ‘Never Give Up’ (Ironic, I know but Carpe Diem seemed too mainstream, please don’t judge my teenage years, I beg of you). For years I’ve looked at this terrible tattoo with regret and uneasiness as to its legitimacy but no more. It is now a symbol that I will become a person of note, a do-er, a yes girl.

No more apathy and self pity, its time to dig myself out of my hole, sort my life out and climb that fucking ladder straight to the top.

 

Let’s do this, Lovelies!!

Yours,

A pumped up, fed up, fucked up but not giving up, VickiAmaya

xo

 

 

Falling In Love (With Yourself)

Hey Lovelies,

How are you?

I recently read a blog post by one of my beautiful followers and it instantly prompted me to start jotting this down!

As you all know, I was in a bad relationship for a little while. A relationship where I masked my feelings, shut out the sensible voice inside my head and twisted my every personality trait to suit him. I changed my clothes, my hair, my dress sense, my friends. At the end of it, I was a shell of the person I used to be and for what?!
I’ve seen it over and over again with family, friends and even people on the internet whom I’ve never met. We twist and turn ourselves to suit the recipient. We hide the traits we’ve had all our lives. Hide the quirks, the emotions, the rawness. Why? So we can pretend to be in love…

We put up with the arguments, the snide remarks and at the end of the relationship we are bitter. Bitter and miserable because we changed every aspect of ourselves to make it work for the other half.

Well, I want to tell you a secret. Real love doesn’t need you to compromise. Real love will accept every aspect of you and cherish it over and over again. Real love will keep you young, keep you safe and keep you full of happiness.

I urge you to learn to love, as you want to be loved. Be you, unapologetically. Unforgivingly.

I fell in love with myself at seventeen. I fell in love with the way my eyes caught the sunlight and twinkled a magnificent blue. I fell in love with the way my heart fluttered at each late night discussion with my best friend. I fell in love with my laugh, my breathy chuckle, which turns silent when I’m really humoured.

My impeccable ability to feel emotionally involved with every acoustic song ever created, as though they were handwritten love letters from my heart. My memory of insignificant moments that every one else has long since forgotten. The colour of people’s eyes, their birthdays, the sound of their voice. The smell of their clothes. The soundtracks of boyfriends and best friends and the greatest nights you could ever ask for.

I fell out of love with myself at twenty two. I couldn’t stand the sight of my face. The way I had convinced myself that I could love a man who didn’t care about me. For giving up on the things that I cared about. For not talking to my mum for an entire year. For losing touch with my best friend. For torturing my mind with a constant barrage of negativity. For self harming. For overdosing.

I rekindled a love for myself at twenty five. It was hard at first, but I remembered the way my heart sends out a warm sensation when its a sunny morning and i’m laying in bed with the sunlight streaming through the windows. I remembered how to look at my face with admiration instead of boredom. How I can recite the lyrics to almost any song with only a 5 second preview. The way I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who can pick up a guitar and play effortlessly. Then it started to happen more and more, I would love the way my hair would always fall flat after my uncountable efforts, elixirs and backcombing attempts. The way my cheeks will puff up when I smile. The way I will sing out of key when I can’t hit the notes in a song. The way my body has always stayed slim despite my lack of care for it. The way I can immerse myself into a book and let the world pass by.

You have to love who YOU are because no one will ever be able to make you feel as good as you can make you feel. You know you better than anyone else, so you have earned the right to give yourself all the love you can muster!

Now go and take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself OUT LOUD, one thing that you really love about you.

xo

Tuesday 29th August

Growing is hard. Growing means you have to look deep inside yourself and confront the bits that you despise. Growing is noticing how some things will always wind you up and trying to find the strength from deep down inside you to not react as you would always react.

At Twenty Seven years old, I can happily hold my hands up and admit everything that I love about myself, but for some reason I cannot muster the courage to admit and change the things I am not in love with. My mind has convulsed that ‘It’s just the way I am”.

I am far more comfortable with knowing that I can pick myself back up if I hit rock bottom again, than striving for anything above average. I’m scared to succeed.

Depression taught me to fear the negative thoughts inside my head, that if I start to think bad things then surely I’m spiralling downwards. To stay on the upwards peak, to appreciate all things good and abolish all things negative.

So, why is it that knowing I still have negative tendencies when it comes to change, can I not shake them away with a dose of positivity? Why do I dwell in the depths of despair. Waste my own time in worrying about all the things that could go wrong instead of bathing in all that could go right?