So, Hi. I’m back. It’s November (now December) and I haven’t written anything on here for around 4/5 months. I would apologise, but if i’m honest. I’m not really sorry.
A lot has changed for me this past year. I started the year exhausted and I leave it enthused.
So, 2018 was supposed to be the year I ‘Made It’. The year we got the hell out of dodge and saw the world. I held it with such a high regard and then let it all slip away.
The funny thing about dreams is that if you stop believing in them, they stop happening.
But instead of dwelling on the could have, would have and shouldabeens (I’m saving those for a rainy day). I’m instead going to write about what did happen this year. I feel like that’s a way better story than wishing I could start the year again.
I made new friends! I’ve written about this previously, but I feel its worth mentioning again. Jess, Kitty and Emily, you girls are my angels and love you all so much. I can’t believe I went 28 years without having a bunch of inspiring, creative and caring girls behind me. You gave me a group of friends at a time when I had so few.
Moving away from home is always tough. Out of sight, out of mind… But I can’t complain because by loosing some old friends, I have made some life long ones. I didn’t realise how alone and isolated I had become until I started hanging out with this girl gang. Seriously, thank you babes!
I lost 5000+ Instagram followers and found my clarity. I was OBSESSED with the inner workings, the numbers, the upload schedule, the updates. You get the point. I had been consumed by the app and felt like it ruled my life. That was until I broke a light bulb and couldn’t upload anything new. I then took a spontaneous few months off. Honestly, if you’re trying to carve a living from your own little corner of the internet, then I applaud ALL of your efforts. This shit is hard af.
Since starting to post again, I have only lost followers and you know what… It sucks, it really does. But, I still have an amazing, caring following and I still want to help people so I’m just rolling with the punches. You’ve got to take the lows with the highs. You can’t just throw in the towel when the going gets tough can you. I’ve done that my ENTIRE life and it’s finally time to face the music. I know it will get better, I will get better and I can still make a career out of this. It just takes time.
My darling Adam and I made it to four blissful years together. God, I love him. He pulled me out of the depths of a deep, dark depression and showed me what love is supposed to feel like. I often ask him if he can find me again in the next life because I honestly cannot bare to be without him anymore. Did you know that, I was convinced that I would never meet my ‘true love’? I treated relationships like fashion trends. Fleeting between boys and not really putting any heart into them. That was until Adam came along. If you’re in love then you’ll know how this feels.
I never, ever knew I could feel so whole.
I went back to full time employment. Not a decision I took lightly, I’ll have you know. Within two months of being there I have also been offered one of three promotions. On thing I have always beaten myself up for is my inability to take pressure in a job and work my way up in a role. I have always cracked under the pressure of a full time job. I was convinced the other staff members hated me. Or, my home life was in shreds so I couldn’t handle keeping up appearances of having my shit together.
This time around, I did it right, I worked my ass off and it’s so nice to see the pay off.
I went a whole year without a mental breakdown. It sounds silly but it’s true. Every year prior to this one, I have had to have time off work because I’ve been unable to function. It has felt like a huge achievement to not take time off for stress or anxiety.
Am I a little sad that I’m not a millionaire business woman with all my dreams coming true? Of course I am but I’m also happy. I survived another year and I achieved some amazing things.
Everyone is on their own journey in life. We all peak at different things, in different ways and at different times. So, please don’t feel like you’re playing catch up with everyone else.
Lets see what the next year has in store, shall we?!